My First Love And How Money Can Buy Everything!

I still remember the day when I first laid my eyes on a centre-fold ad in one of my brother’s vaulted magazines. I was in my mid-teens then, an age when amorous attractions seldom happen; at least this is what I believed as they had not affected me so far until now. To be honest, I had never really thought of ever getting entrapped in the fabled love-at-first-sight feats; the whole idea seemed utterly silly and frivolous.

My brother was very much into bodybuilding and used to buy those expensive imported Muscle & Fitness magazines of Joe Weider (Rs.500 to Rs.800 was quite expensive for teens still living on parents’ allowances in India). Frankly, I was never much into those pumped-up steroid induced beasts and she-beasts, but fate had other plans that led me to browse through it and got me stranded when I lay my eyes on a Black & White ad of inner-wear garments. It was one of my brother’s coveted body-building magazines, January 1990’s issue featuring Bob Paris on the cover, whose centre-spread ad on page 175 set my pulses racing and changed my life forever. What an ad, what a model. I instantly fell in love. There have been other affairs, I am a bit of a Casanova, but the first cut was truly the deepest.

Well, I am a pretty obstinate character who would go to any length to acquire one’s fancies. So, from then on, I made it my goal to have this beauty under me, in between my legs! The ad has replaced the model with newer flashier ones, but once bitten, I am forever shy. I still like the old one and, despite the age, I plan to possess it soon. I have started saving for it already. Whoever said “money can’t buy you love” was a jerk!

The reason why I prefer the old model is because of the round air-filter cover as it aptly suits the symmetry of its holy V-twin engine to the best. They are now fitted with fuel injection and the enhanced air-intake mapping necessitates more airflow, giving way to the oval shaped air-filter cover. Besides, the charm of the vintage model, though inferior in performance, still wins my heart. Back then it had a special two-tone colour scheme with whitewall tyres and wire-wheels. The new engine is more powerful, but I am still in love with the charm of the butterfly carburetor—a thing that can be personally serviced and adjusted. And, of course, I almost forgot the name: The Harley Davidson "Heritage Softail.”

There have been countless love affairs ever since—for instance, the sexy Ducati 916, the bulbous and well-endowed Hayabusa, or the rugged and naked Moto Guzzi Griso—but none as indelible as the Heritage Softail (FLSTC, Harley Davidson). This classic leather-clad chromed beauty is simply irresistible and I am sure I will own it one day soon. Money sure can buy anything, including love!

-- Faezal Yunus (October 23, 2007)

Deepak Chopra, the Fake Guru and Buddha's Enlightenment

I happened to attend a hyped-up (well, they all are) book-launch of Deepak Chopra’s latest oeuvre, “Buddha: A story of Enlightenment”, launched in India, the country of origin of the Buddha. Despite my strong gut-feeling about the book being a sordid affair, I did venture into it and felt proud of my pre-judgment as my estimates were indeed true!

The evening was moderated by Rajiv Mehrotra, someone whom I respected earlier but not anymore. How could a man of Rajiv Mehrotra’s intellect descend upon discussing a book on something as trivial as the story of Buddha written in an exploitative and sensationalised style with the sole intent and purpose of manipulating personal wealth by virtue of capitalising on the topic’s worldwide fame?

Yes, this is the case with most charlatan gurus preaching about the eastern mystique to western ignoramuses. The westerners fancy Sanskrit terms and associate them with divinity and enlightenment, a case of perception, and unscrupulous people capitalise on this basic fact to become fake gurus.

Frankly, I quite enjoyed the whole event and found it to be rib-tickling and amusing – all thanks to the way Deepak Chopra evaded giving any sensible reply to Rajiv Mehrotra. Mr. Chopra, perhaps, had learnt by rote as to what he wanted to say and belligerently had his say with little or no connect to Rajiv Mehrotra’s questionnaires. He would then get into psychological tricks of diverting the attention of the viewers by some weird association with inanimate objects lying nearby, in our case it was a flower of rose lying on the table he was sitting next to (I would not be surprised if he ordered it to be kept there beforehand!).

The quantum of the attending populace was Indian. I was surprised to see many celebrities amongst the crowd, including the dusky beauty Nandita Das. Keeping in mind the Indian audience, Deepak Chopra, perhaps, adjudicated that his eastern charm may not work on most of them due to their familiarity with the Vedic parlance. Therefore, he then indulged in some frivolous grade-school utterances on Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, quantum physics and threw in names such as Einstein, Gandhi, and Mandela among others, to appear somewhat elite and educated.

Let us now discuss a bit about the book, purportedly an act of fiction! This is the term which irked the most as a book about Buddha’s life ought not to be infused with the “fiction” term as it makes it appear as an oxymoron. It is not at all academic in nature. Well, even academicians agree that there are few surviving historical facts regarding Buddha’s life and origin but that does not warrant a sacrilege of sorts just to capitalise on its popularity.

While the book does not veer off the accepted story of Buddha’s life, it does not bring any value addition either. And the fictional rhetoric that has been added may appear distasteful and shoddy, especially in light of trying to make the whole book appear as an act of fiction, which it is not. If you are serious about Buddha then there are much better books and treatises on it so please look elsewhere into libraries, academic institutions or even centres such as Ramakrishna Mission that work towards spreading the wisdom rather than gaining business out of it!

Mr. Chopra, in his justification, maintained that all he ever did invent, the fictional part, into the story was the stuff that has never really been discussed and debated over. For instance, he has described the physical sexuality between Buddha’s parents that led to his birth. Well, given facts need not be prodded over. Other preachers or earlier books that comment on Buddha’s life aptly ignore such fine details as they bear little significance to the larger picture. However, Mr. Chopra, the businessman that he is, knows very well that sex sells. Besides, the gentle followers of this religion (or way of life, rather) that we call Buddhism will never get incited via such sensational or insignificant acts. On second thoughts, they would appreciate anything that brings Buddha into the forefronts.

I am also equally impressed by the tolerance amid Christians; orthodoxy does exist but in a relatively small measure or else Dan Brown’s bestseller, Da Vinci Code, would have probably been banned over the conjecture of Maria Magdalena being Christ’s wife. Speaking on Christianity, we got to know that Mr. Chopra is planning another book on a religious figure, which this time, hold your breath, is none other than Jesus Christ! It will be called “The Third Jesus” and the topic’s worldwide fame will, without doubt, make him a very rich man.

I dare him to try something similar, in speech or the writ, to anything about Hindu deities or Islam lest it irk the Bajrang Dal/Shiv Sena or warrant a fatwa by the Mullahs!

Well, in this commercial age, companies can learn from his business acumen of exploiting trivial issues for personal gain. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing into his charlatanry and I quite enjoyed smirking at the brainless people who had bought into the hype and were scurrying for his autographs on copies of books they had just bought off the counter. My only complaint is against the terrible red wine served at the cocktail function – The Taj Hotel must do something about it!

Throughout the evening Mr. Chopra was commenting on Rajiv Mehrotra’s moderating queries in a most odd fashion, with no rhyme or reason whatsoever, but towards the end it got somewhat better. The conclusion could not have been more apt as in the end he was asked of how close he felt towards being enlightened. He replied, in an immodest garb of modesty, that he doubted it in this lifetime. Well, of all the things, for once, this reply of his was certainly true to the core and I wish people get enlightened enough to see through his charlatanry!

-- Faezal Yunus
(New Delhi, September 25, 2007)

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